I really, really searched my soul today to ask myself, "Why do I keep
doing this"? Right when it seems like I have things turned around for
the better, I find myself making the worst decisions about drugs and
ending up right back where I started--unemployed, depressed, with the small amount of pride I started to build back up destroyed. I was high, I should have been feeling great, on top of the world, but all that lying and wasted time and physical harm, and I found myself feeling the worst I've ever felt. A depression takes over, and I'm at a complete loss--I just feel helpless.
stop sabotaging myself. You ever start to feel like you won't let
yourself succeed because on some level you don't deserve it? Maybe I'm being overly psychological, and I think I am, but there is just something inside of me that cannot say "no," even when I know for a fact it's a really, really bad idea. I think that's why we're labeled as
weak-willed, but it's not a matter of will power, at least I don't
think. Or maybe not *just* willpower...there's something else there,
some compulsion, no not even that, that's too psychiatric....it's like a
propulsion. It's like there's propellers with a full tank, and big
beautiful wings, but the aircraft can't withstand the altitude but it
refuses to stay grounded. Thus, "Steve" flies away, too close to the
sun, despite his loved-ones warnings, and eventual pleadings...
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